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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Thoughts Before the Big Day

I've been thinking a lot about Rocco's recall day today. I mean, I think about it a lot anyway but today it seems to be something where my mind keeps turning to. Which is inconvenient when you are trying to revise for exams, but I digress. I'm not sure why I'm thinking about it so much today. I would have thought that tomorrow makes a much better day to think non stop about the Boy. Perhaps it's the anticipation of tomorrow that's making me think so much today. Here's what I've been thinking about.

First off, why am I so sad that he's being recalled. Surely some of you (those of you who aren't puppy raisers I bet) are thinking, "Erin, you've been away from Rocco since January. He was transferred in September. You've already had to leave him 3 times! Why are you so sad?" Well, I haven't come up with an answer for that one yet. I have no idea why I'm taking Rocco's Recall hard. He made an impression on me to say the least I guess. However, if I had to guess (you know, if there was someone pointing a gun to my head telling me to tell them why I was sad) I would have to say it's because I don't think I gave him a proper good-bye in April. At least, not one that could be considered a good-bye for a recall. It's hard for me because I've realised that if he doesn't graduate in August...April will be the last time I saw or see Rocco...and I gave him a terrible good-bye. (You listening Rocco? Graduate in August pretty please.)

I'm also thinking about what Rocco meant to me. For me, Rocco was a break. Oh, he was hyper and bouncy and playful and silly. But for those of you who knew Freya as a PIT know that Rocco can only be considered as a break compared to Freya. He had his issues (I still remember getting no sleep the first few months) but they were easily solved and he was so eager to please and happy-go-lucky. So, I guess, for me Rocco was a dog that I could see both as a pet because he dearly loved to snuggle and some the happiest faces he's pulled was when we decided to stay in for the day OR as a Guide Dog because he loved working. Freya could only be a working dog. She wouldn't have been happy as a plain, old pet. Rocco, I was never sure which he would prefer. Perhaps that made me want to keep him more (I know, I know...he's a male yellow lab. I'm not to have fallen in love with him.)

Contemplation...Processing...Saddness. People who don't puppy raise don't understand why recall day hurts the way it does. They assume it's hard to leave your puppy, but they don't really understand. Even my dad, who is not emotional or sensitive, was sad when Freya left. He didn't have to say anything, but I knew (18 years living with a person and you start to be able to read them). I tell people all the time "It breaks my heart, but how could I not give them up?"

My heart is breaking...

Pictures taken at Christmas this year.

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