Nostalgia, Scared, and other Feelings

I'm just so...I guess the word is tired. I'm tired of my position with Guide Dogs right now. And I'm tired of really not being able to do anything about it.

I know that not raising a puppy full time is good for me. Really I do. And if I didn't I could find a way around it. So, let's not confuse my tiredness with angry or frustrated or even unhappiness. I'm enjoying my break from raising full time and I'm happy with being a boarder. And I more than love my Frankie-boy! If I were raising full time I wouldn't be able to spend time with my Frankie! But, there are times when I want a puppy of my own around to motivate me to do better or to make me feel like I'm worth something or just to have anything life form around in the house that can't talk or make me feel bad about myself. I know that sounds like I'm unhappy, but these instances are far and few between. I guess I'm not really tired of position with Guide Dogs. What I'm really tired of is feeling these momentary lapses of judgement where I think, "Raising a full time puppy! Now there's a good idea!" For those of you out there who are one a break right now, do you feel them too sometimes? I have to admit, if my landlord hadn't said specifically no full time puppies I probably would have broken down by now. Haha! It's funny to think that all of my strength is coming from a piece of paper I signed.

As for my puppy group, I love being in charge of the facebook page. Publicity is as big a part of puppy raising groups as anything else. How else would we get people to come to our fund raising events? I really feel like I've helped a little when I work on the facebook page. So that's not the problem. The problem is that this summer I came home and someone from the group asked me, "So, have you raised a puppy before." *shocked face* It totally took me for a loop and I almost wanted to shout, "Has no one been talking about me?!" Haha! I suppose that's my own vanity, but still...I was slightly taken aback by the question. And there lies the problem. I feel almost like a stranger when I get back. Everything and everyone is new. This summer really wasn't too bad because Alicia was there and we went to school together so there was more to talk about than just puppy raising and she knew all of my pups.

And it's not like I don't like meeting new people and bragging about my past puppies to them. I really, really do. But I kinda feel like an old lady. *In old lady voice* "When I started puppy raising you had to have special permission from your CFR to use the food protocol. And not every puppy had to wear the gentle leader." In some cases I'm also confused. *continues in voice* "What is the new fangeled idea?" Haha! I don't think I'm allowed to feel old at this age.

I do think that being involved with GDBA here has caused some of the confusion. I'll be standing there telling the pups, "Busy busy!" before I realise that that's NOT their command to go to the bathroom. Or I'll say "left!" and wonder why a puppy who's older than a year doesn't know their directions yet...and then I realise we don't teach them that in the states. *face palm* I did feel pretty bad for Crescent a few times those first few hours together when I got a little agitated before I realised it was me and not her.

I guess what I'm feeling is scared. In two years I have to make the decision to stay here or go back to the states. At the moment, the states is winning just based on the fact that there is nothing keeping me here (which I'm really hoping some people out there are happy about). Now you might be thinking that two years is a long time away. But let me remind you that I've been in Scotland for two years and they've gone by at light year speed. And if I go back to the states and start raising again...will I have to start from scratch? Will we have stopped using the word 'sit'?! What if we start training ponies!? So much can happen and I don't want to be the little, old lady who uses techniques from the past.

I kinda want this feeling of scared to go away. I don't think it will. But I'd at least like it to stop manifesting itself in my feelings towards Guide Dogs. I know what I'm feeling when I sit down and think about it, but when the feelings are fleeting it's hard to tell the difference between "scared of the real world" and "I just want a puppy". I suppose I'm tired of feeling scared.

Grown ups out there...did you guys feel scared when you were nearing entering the real world and did you try to stay a child by hanging onto something that you had done when you were younger?

I hope that this wasn't a downer for anyone. I've just suddenly realised that I am graduating in less than two years and then I'll be a real live grown up. I guess...at least Hilly will be there for me. *smiles*

Nomenclature Issues

I guess I'm just too excited not to blog about something. It gives me something to do and a way to express my feelings. Guess this means you guys will have a lot of posts from me until I get the puppy. *smiles*

Yesterday I received an email from a reader that just made me smile. I had no idea that I had a puppy walker from the UK reading my blog for any period of time let alone since before I left for University! She sent me an email congradulating me on finally deciding to get my own puppy and welcomed me to the world of puppy walking. It was such a lovely email to recieve. I really can't say how much little things like that mean to me. (It's actually what people don't understand when buying presents for me. A thoughtful card with a bunch of flowers is all I really need to know that you've been thinking of me.) Anyway, I asked her a question on names that I had not been able to have answered yet.

Just like back home each litter is given a letter and each puppy in that litter has a name beginning with that letter (fun sentence huh?). But there are also sponsored puppies here. I've thought a lot about sponsoring a puppy because you get to name it. And you don't have to stick with the litter letter. That means that there are some puppies out there who have names like Bob even though the rest of the litter has names beginning with "H". It's pretty cool. I only know of one puppy back in the states that has a different letter than her siblings.

Unlike how it works in the states I will get to know the puppy's name well in advance before I actually get her (I say her because we all know my preference for the females). For me, this is pretty strange. I knew Hilly's name before I got her because her name couldn't switch and the puppy couldn't be switched. But with Freya I was told, "black lab female, litter letter F". And with Rocco it was, "yellow lab male, litter letter R". The reason we do this back in the states is because we don't want the raisers getting attached to the name or the puppy before they receive it. Let's say that you're originally assigned a "Joanne" from a "J" litter here and Joanne gets sick before getting on the puppy truck to come to you. Waht GDB will do is put another "J" female from that litter on the truck for you because you have no idea which "J" puppy you're suppose to be getting. This way when you're handed a "Jillian" instead of a "Joanne" you don't miss Joanne because for all you know you were suppose to get Jillian the whole time. Another reason that we don't get to know the names ahead of time is because there could be last minute name switches.

I hear that doesn't really happen in the UK. You see, back home, every puppy's name is unique. When puppies are born at GDB in San Rafael they cannot be named names that are used for Working Guides, Active Breeders, or current puppies in training. So there won't be another Freya until my Freya retires, there won't be another Rocco until my Rocco retires, but Hilly's name is up for grabs. That isn't true in the UK. You can have puppies in training with the same name as working Guides or breeders. It's strange for me really. I've gotten use to the fact that my puppy has a name that no other dog in the GDB system can have and it made me feel like they were special. Haha! It should be interesting to see if I get a name already in use.

With all of that said, I've decided that I'm still going to have a Name Game. When I find out the name of the puppy I'll just tell you guys the letter the name starts with. 

I had a dream last night that I was assigned a female yellow lab named "Soldier". While I like the name, I'm really hoping for a not lab. Haha!

The Month of Febraury

This month has a whole lot of meaning for me in the GDB world. First off, 3 years ago we lost my dog Brandy to what we believe was a mix of a brain tumour and diabetes. On the surface it was very sad and traumatic for me, but it gave way to something new; my involvement with Guide Dogs for the Blind. Had Brandy not passed away I would never have wanted another puppy, my father would never have had to tell me that he wasn't going to get a new puppy so soon before I left for College, and I never would have looked up Guide Dogs for the Blind. I miss Brandy to this day whenever I'm sad or am ill because Brandy seemed to know just what to do to make me feel better. But, I believe she was reborn into my first Guide Dog Puppy.

That brings us to reason number the second as to why February is a big month for me. Freya reminds me a lot of Brandy. She has the same intelligence and human like qualities that few dogs exhibit. There's a part of me that believes that Brandy was reborn in the form of Freya. Brandy was born the 10th of October and Freya the 11th of October. Coincidence? I think not. The 20th of February is not only Rocco's 13 Month Day, but the year anniversary of Freya leaving for "Doggie College".

There are a lot of coincidences in my 3 years with Guide Dogs for the Blind. The birthdays of Brandy and Freya is one of them. Others: Freya's partner became "legally blind" in October of '08, the same month Freya was born. He was admitted into the Guide Dog programme on February 2010, the same month Freya went back into formal training. Both of our fathers' names is "Don". I waited 6 months for Freya after the date I was suppose to get a puppy was pushed back 3 separate times (which isn't really a coincidence but I think it means I was meant for Freya). January 20th is when I found out that Freya would not be leaving me in January, the same day Rocco was born. February allows me to think and ponder on all these coincidences because this is when it all started 3 years ago.

February also happens to be RP, or Retinitis Pigmentosa, awareness month. In honour of this I am going to be posted a different fact about RP every day this month. Seeing as I forgot that this is what I wanted to do back on the 1st, you'll be getting 4 facts today.

Retinitis Pigmentosa Facts #1-#4

1. RP is a hereditary disease.
2. Night blindness is the most common first symptom.
3. Most people with RP do not ever lose their vision entirely.
4. It is a type of retinal dystrophy.

New GDB Policy

Before I write my really important post today (today is a very special day and those of you who are particularly observant will know why) I wanted to post about GDB's new policy. I was reading another blog about it and a lot of people (well 2, but that's enough for me) said that they hadn't heard of this policy so I'm blogging about it.

During Fun Day on the California campus they announced their new Head Collar Policy. It states that every dog that goes back in for formal training must be able to walk in and tolerate a head collar. "Head Collar" includes a gentle leader, halti, holt, and figure 8. Though I am sure that there are other head collars that GDB will accept these are the major ones. All this means is simply your dog must be able to walk in a head collar. He/She doesn't need to wear it at every outing if they can walk in one and are fine without one. If they refuse to walk in one it would be better to start of slow and put them in one in only really familiar, comfortable situations. Some dogs just need time to get use to that thing across their noses. I didn't take Rocco out in a head collar every time because in certain situations he didn't need one at all and I knew that he would tolerate one if I randomly put one on him. If your puppy is having real trouble in a head collar contact your Leader or CFR. They can help.

But yes, I believe it is grounds for a CC if the puppy will not walk in a head collar. I think I asked the All Knowing Jim that and he said "yeah." So, there you are.

Helping Bring a Puppy Home

Today I met my CFR, the all mighty and knowing Jim, at a gas station off the freeway so I could help deliver a puppy back to her raisers. This puppy's name is Fanta and she is a consideration for international breeding. She's a gorgeous, sweet, yellow lab. I really enjoyed the 30 minutes I had with her before I dropped her off. Jim said she was "busy", but after having Freya I wouldn't consider Fanta "busy" at all.

Here's Fanta being a good girl in the car. All she did was lay there and play with the goughnut I keep in the car.

She's such a happy, good girl.

I really, really liked her. In fact, I almost stopped by my house first and got Rocco to see if they wanted to trade.

You can sort of tell from this picture that she's small. She really was. I would have to say that she weighed the same if not less than Rocco.