A New Puppy for Erin

The title of the post pretty much says it all. There is a new puppy in the future for me.

There are so many emotions running through my body right now. Excitement is pretty much the most prevalent. I am excited to have a baby again. I am excited to have a full time puppy again. I am excited to really feel a part of the puppy group again instead of just the facebook page moderator or just that girl who used to raise. But, while I am most definitely excited, there is so much else I am feeling.

I am skeptical. Why? Well, I've known about this puppy for months (and let me tell you, keeping that secret was HARD) and for a while it was a sure thing but then it wasn't then it was a possibility then it wasn't. It's been such a roller coaster ride. So, there's a part of me that doesn't actually believes it's going to happen.

Strangely, I'm a little sad. Part of what has made this such a roller coast ride is that my parents didn't want another dog in the house. Understandable. But it meant that I had to find somewhere else to live. Which means that I wouldn't be spending all day everyday with my Gorgeous Golden Girl, Arwen. Now that it's being announced and is definite, I know I won't be spending all day everyday with her. It's hard. I feel a little like I'm trading in my old dog for a young pup. I know I'm not. In fact, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I get at least a couple of hours of Arwen everyday. But, I still have this little knot in my stomach that I don't think will go away. I know that I'll be spending a lot of time with her this summer, but still...I wish I could do both. But I'll be home often to house sit and the like so it's not like there won't be times where I'll just sit with Arwen.

I'm also nervous. Not living at home...well it's one of the reason I go home isn't it? To be at my parents' and not have to worry. I guess it'll be good practice for next year after I graduate. I'll have the ability to lie with my parents and make it easy on myself, but I'm not going to. I'm going to get out there and try and do something with my life. So...I guess I need to get use to being near but only visiting. And then there's the fact that GDB has introduced a whole lot of new protocol while I've been here in Scotland and what if I can't handle it? It's weird to think that I've been doing this for nearly 5 years and I'm nervous about being good enough.

And I'm feeling a little reserved. As if I don't want to be excited. Or, rather, I'm not allowing myself to be completely excited. Instead of focusing on all the excitement, I'm thinking about the other emotions and then feeling bad for feeling excited because those other emotions are there too and they should get recognition right?

I'm also numb. As soon as I made the final decision we had a puppy swap. Now, I'd been thinking about this puppy since March. So, it was a little like...I went through all of that emotion, all of the thinking, all of the pros and cons lists, all of the worrying, all of the disappointment for this puppy and I'm no longer getting it? It was strange. I've already begun to like my new assignment, so it's not like it's terrible or anything. But that initial shock hasn't worn off.

Talk about roller coaster rides right? But like I said, excitement is definitely the strongest feeling among the bunch. I guess I just didn't think I could feel so much with just the decision to start a puppy over the summer. It's strange. But I think I've made the right decision. I think whatever I ended up doing this summer would be rewarding and valuable. And I think that it ended up playing out the way it did for a reason. I mean, there must be a reason that at the last minute when I thought I was going to have to turn down the puppy I was offered a room somewhere. When it was looking like it wouldn't happen I said that I would let it play out the way it was going to and that I wouldn't push it or try to force it into working. And this is the way it played out. So, there has to be a reason and I'd like to find out why.

Well, after all of that emotion exploring I suppose I should tell you about my new little one.

I will be getting a female golden retriever born on March 19, 2013 to Franklin and Kaylee. Her litter letter is "H". We've already made sure that the puppy raising department knows that I already have a Hilly and that she's the only Hilly I need since she's perfect. She'll be arriving on May 24 via the puppy truck. Mary will pick her up for me and start her for the first 2-3 weeks since I'll still be in Scotland then recovering from jet lag.

So...if you have name guesses I would love to hear them! In fact, we'll make a game out of it. 5 name guesses per person. Winner will get the satisfaction of know that they guessed the name. (Quite possibly something tangible as well but I haven't had a lot of time to think about it.)